Saturday, December 18, 2010

Just Lovely My Dear

Ryan has his first flight tomorrow (well...technically today for him) and I am excited for him. I believe it is the last time he flies with an instructor. Be safe babe.

So I promised I'd write about my man, so here it goes (:
(WARNING: This is REALLY long :X)

I met Ryan in late 2005. He was actually my younger sister's really close friend, so I knew he existed, I had just never met him. One day, my mother was driving my sister and I home from some sort of practice most likely, and my sister noticed Ryan walking along the side of the road. Of course, my mother pulled over and asked him if he needed a ride home, and that little redhead jumped right in.

I instantly got a taste of his sarcasm, and the whole ride home we argued and poked fun at each other. After that, our interactions became more frequent, and always occurred in a group. He was the life of the party every single time(:

Eventually, I developed a sense of self around him. I wanted to look nice when he came over. I wanted to be witty when we spoke. I wanted him to want to be around me. AND HE DID ;D Eventually, he became more MY friend, than my sister's and we no longer really needed to hang out in a group. The two of us were completely content as a pair. Although, the first time he held my hand took place on a group movie outing. The movie was crappy, but I had a GREAT time(: His hand was the epitome of sweaty ;)

We were inseparable. With one, came the other. This was hard for my parents, especially my father. I come from a very traditional hispanic family, and my parents were already having trouble dealing with a few other aspects of my life. They wanted me to stay inside my room, study, and watch the Disney channel. Needless to say, as things became worse for me at home, and with myself.... things began sliding downhill with Ryan.

I will be honest, there are no excuses for the way things panned out between us. Yes, I was young, but I cared for him way too much in order to allow what happened to happen. I wish I would have done so many things differently. High school was a really rough time for me, but that was one casualty I could have done without. Eventually, we stopped talking. That was tough. I loved his family, especially his mother. I loved him. The few times we tried to pick it back up as friends were awkward for both of us, and soon we just stopped trying.

By the time the later part of my senior year rolled around we were back on speaking terms. We were nowhere near as close as we were before, but a majority of the resentment had faded. I was having a rough time dealing with a few things that I experienced in the past year, and he was still so easy to talk to... and I missed him. That was a weird time. We had both been seeing other people, and jealousy was not a foreign feeling for either of us.

Then graduation  time arrived, and our interactions occurred  few and far between. I became involved in what would become a 2 year relationship from hell, and I know he dated a few girls (I don't really know too much about his past girlfriends, and I don't want to :P) I believe that from the beginning of 2008 to the middle of 2009, we only spoke a handful of times over text message. I can't say that our time apart was exactly a bad thing though... we both matured in necessary ways.

My then relationship was probably one of the most unhealthy things that I have ever experienced. I only saw what I wanted to see, and ignored every single warning sign imaginable... and I paid for it. I am not proud of that part of my life, and I would be lying if I said that the experience didn't change me.... I still don't know if it was for the better or worse. Throughout that entire time though... I missed Ryan.

My sister still spoke to him, and would tell me things about him every once in awhile. Like the time he wore a zebra vest to a dance :P, the time he bought a motorcycle, the time he got in a motorcycle accident -_-, the time he got in a motorcycle accident AGAIN, and ultimately.. when he made the decision to join the Air Force. In mid 2009, Ryan began texting me asking if I wanted to get a cup of coffee or lunch some time. I was still with my boyfriend at the time, and things were unhealthier than ever. Yet, I gave every excuse in the book as to why I could not go get coffee. I didn't know what it was.

Finally, I woke up. I ended things with my boyfriend in late July of 2009. I cried for at least 2 days. Not sad tears mind you....I COULD BREATHE. I was so happy. I went out, I had fun, I spoiled myself, my grades went back up. Things were GREAT.... and then Ryan contacted me again. By that time it was mid August, and I had run out of excuses ;) I agreed to meet him at McDonalds after my night class. I HATE MCDONALDS. I'm talking LOATHE. Yet there I went, and I made my sister go with me. That had to have been one of the most awkward things I have ever done. I was so nervous when he pulled up next to us on his BRIGHT yellow street bike (which I also loathe by the way -_-) and we then proceeded to go inside, not look at each other, and not sit next to each other. Weirdos right? haha(:

After that "lovely" late night snack, we began texting quite often. I still didn't want to hang out with him much though. Why would I hang out with someone that was just going to leave in 3 months?! I didn't want to do that to myself. I REFUSED to do that to myself. So what did I do? I went to an Angels baseball playoff game with him -_- (The more you follow my blog, the more you will find out that I have NO will power) I had an amazing time. After the first hour, my nerves completely disappeared. It was just like old times. By the time we arrived back at his place, I wanted a hug... and the bastard didn't want to give me one! He shook his head and just stared at me. So I got out of the car, walked over to him, hugged him really hard, stomped back to my car, and sped away.

By that time, I knew he had two more months before he left...... I wasn't having ANY of it. I mean yeah.. I agreed to hang out with him on several occasions, and yeah I was talking to him till I fell asleep most nights but whatever :P I didn't want it. I did such a good job of showing it too. I mean.. he took me to Universal Studios, and I only held his hand 80% of the time O_o

One night, I ditched class to go to dinner with him :X I know I know terrible me. He took me to eat sushi, (we are both OBSESSED) and then we went about town searching for a too tight Spiderman costume for him to wear on Halloween (a holiday that was RAPIDLY approaching). After I convinced him that he could NOT fit into a child's medium -_- , we both realized that we did not want to go home yet. So he offered to take me to the movies. We decided on Where the Wild Things Are, something I had been wanting to see. I loved the movie, although I must say it was a rather disturbing child's film. It was late by the time our movie let out, and we ended up sitting in the car at his mom's apartment parking lot cracking jokes and telling secrets (haha LAME) Then, he just bent over and kissed me. I don't know if it was to shut me up because I was nervous or what, but it was amazing. I missed him. I was going to miss him so much.

That night, I was so unbelievably mad at myself. I didn't want those feelings. I distanced myself, and I know he noticed because he pulled back a little as well. We still hung out, but in groups. LARGE groups. I was such a coward.... but I just wanted to protect myself. We had talked about him joining a few times, but I did my best to avoid the topic. I wanted nothing to do with it.

October 30th rolled around. He was leaving in 3 days for basic. I wanted nothing to do with it. My parents were out of town that weekend, and my cousin and I agreed that we would throw two Halloween parties. The first being at her house, and the second being at mine on Halloween night. Obviously he was invited, and of course I had to be deathly ill. (Seriously, I lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks)
Despite my impending doom though, we went ahead with the parties. Of course, being of sound mind, I medicated myself and proceeded to feel that a little bit of alcohol was a good idea O_o ... It was not. Both nights I threw up the entire night, and Ryan sat with me the entire time. Holding my hair and wetting towels to put on my forehead. We fell asleep one night squished into a little corner of the living room couch, and the next on some floor cushions(:

The next morning he stayed with me until my family was supposed to arrive home, kissed me on the forehead, and left. I agreed that I would go shopping with him for last minute essentials the following morning, but by the time that rolled around, I was barely able to get out of bed. So what did he do? He brought me a snow cone. We sat on my front porch for a little bit. I suppose it didn't really hit me that this would be the last time I would see him in person for quite awhile.

He had a good bye dinner that he was the star of, and thus, he kissed me on the cheek and left.

I was sad. So ridiculously sad.
"Sad" is such a lame word, but in every sense of the word. I was SAD.
He text me all the way up to his arrival at the airport.
He called me before his flight boarded.
He told me he loved me.
I told him I loved him.
He told me that he would write to me.
I told him I would write back.

and that was it.

Just before he had to shut off his phone, he sent me one last text though.
"Would you ever consider being with me?"

and what did I say?
"No. No, because you deserve better."

The next two weeks were AWFUL. I mean AWFUL. Not only was I sick, but I missed him in a way that I have NEVER missed anyone before. Seriously, I did not know that I was capable of such a degree of longing. But there I was. Writing a letter a day, with no where to send it. I poured my heart out in those letters. I told him how angry I was that he left. How much I almost wished we had not started talking again....

At the end of those awful two weeks, one of his cousins contacted me on facebook, saying that Cindy, Ryan's mom, wanted her to give me his address so that I could write to him.

FINALLY. I could send my mini-novel(:
No joke, it was almost too heavy to put in a regular envelope >.<
But there was a problem... did I want to?
I knew what was happening.
I re-read my NINE page typed letter, and I knew.
I had really stepped in it this time.

A few days after I sent it, I received a letter from him! He hadn't received my letter yet, but he was thinking about me.. and that was all I cared about.
The letter did break my heart though.
He seemed so sad, and there was nothing I could do.

We went on like that for 2 months. I wrote to him every day, and then I would mail the result by the end of the week. He wrote me as often as he could, and never before in my life have I ever looked forward to checking the mail as much as I did then.

I became more and more comfortable with each letter, and it was obvious that he did as well. He was quite literally winning me over with words. And if he couldn't tell that I was falling for him all over again... well then he is not as smart as he thinks he is ;)

I started calling him "babe" and "bbbyyy" in my letters (like leaving out the "a" in "baby" would make me innocent!) And he was just as affectionate.

I believe that the entire time he was in basic, I got three phone calls from him. The longest being 2 minutes long. It was so painful, and after the first phone call I cried like a baby. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!!?!?! What happened to the girl who wasn't going to let herself anymore?!

She was gone. He had me. He still has me. He will ALWAYS have me(:
He graduated from basic in early January 2010, and we made our relationship official on January 4th.

Don't get me wrong. Our second time around hasn't exactly been a walk in the park.
Getting used to the long-distance aspect was a real challenge for both of us, and it took us a long time to find a common ground in terms of how we want to handle it. But we are both trying the best that we know how, and it is entirely worth it.

He is entirely worth it.

Our anniversary is approaching really fast, and I hope he gives in and gives me an address so that I can send him a box full of goodies.
Hmmm.... I can't wait until March!
I love you babe(:
And I am so proud of you<3


  1. I loved reading this. Thanks for sharing this!

  2. I loved writing it (: and I LOVE that you enjoyed reading it!

  3. What's in March ?! :) Great post, loved it!

  4. i love love reading this girlie! :)

  5. Hey girl, I saw that you put my button on your blog, can you take it off and put it on there again? I just realized that the URL was wrong on it. :) THanks :)

  6. Aww how cute!! :) While my boyfriend was at basic I felt the same way you did! Hahah i ran to the mailbox daily and I wrote a letter a day! :) You're hispanic? from where?!??! I'm Puerto Rican.

  7. Hi Melanie (:
    Haha. Basic was a tough time, but I also think it brought out the purest form of love from both of us... man that sounded cheesy :X haha
    what is your boy in for?

    and yes, my grandparents are from Mexico :X
    how old are you?
    and how far away are you from finishing nursing school?

  8. Awww... i loved reading that. It's hard being away from someone but the time you are able to be together makes it all worth it.

  9. My boyfriend is Security Forces. And his job within that is to guard a nuclear bomb. So deployments will be rare! Kinda good.

    Oh Mexican! Cool! I'm 19. I'll be 20 in feb. :) I have 3 semesters left and I cant freaking wait!