One of those days...

You know the type of day I am referring to right? The type of day where you want something so damn bad, and NOTHING else can even come close to taking that spot? So much so that you'd rather keep to yourself than try to drown yourself in false hopes and disappointment? The type of day that you know there is just no hope in trying to fix, and your best bet is just to let it run its course?

THAT is the type of day that I am having.

I miss Ryan. Don't get me wrong, I miss him EVERY day, but today... today HURTS. I don't want to socialize, I don't want to prioritize, I don't want to do anything. It hit me fast. It hit me hard. This morning, I woke up and noticed that Ryan had posted a little "love you :D" comment on my facebook before he reported for his flight, and I just BEAMED. I skipped off to work with a smile on my face. All throughout my shift I walked around in the highest of spirits. Then, it was time to head home. I took a shower, put on the jersey he bought me, and laid down to watch Pirates of the Caribbean (it was on TV). And I fell apart. All I could think about was being in his room back at Fairchild. His jersey on, squished on his tiny bed, his arms wrapped tight around me, watching all of his random Netflix shows. I would give ANYTHING for that. Every minute of every hour of every day. I'd give anything for that.

I know I am supposed to be patient. I know that this comes with the lifestyle, but that doesn't mean that I can't have a rough time with it once in awhile. I wouldn't trade my Airman for anything. I regret no choice that I've made concerning him this time around. I don't regret waiting for him. I'd wait forever for him.

It's just hard.
Today it is hard.

But it is worth it.
I want him.
I want all of him.


I'm not going anywhere.